{ Set them free.

Monday, December 31, 2007

{ freed on 12:08

the last day of 2007..hoping and praying that 2008 will be a better year for all those around me..
happiness, laughter, love, health...

although 2007 has made me experience lots of unhappiness and grieve and lost..i pray that i will treasure time more preciously from now on..cherish whatever is given to me..around me..whatever that i have..not to take things for granted anymore..

i thank all my friends and family for their support for me during my downtimes..pulling me out from my depression..my sadness..

this last day..hmm..will be spent at mel's hse eating steamboat with SEC..heart warming..countdown..drinking..playing DDR..hehe..every years countdown is an unique activity..last last year..i remember going to esplanade watch fireworks...

well looking back at the year..there are many memories that are to be treasured..people around me too..
may have made many mistakes..but still hoping for the best..
looking forward into 2008...

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

{ freed on 00:52

now even if i want to cancel the whole thing..i have to bear all the charges..what the F!!!
how can life get any better like that

{ freed on 00:52

xmas eve activity..
home econs 101 at melissa house..
we made super colourful odeh odeh..pink, blue, purple..yuan yang 2 colours..
coated with coconut..pork floss..filled with milo powder..
gross..but fun..

after that we played DDR..woah i last played that in secondary sch days i guess..
not bad..still able to follow the tempo..except mayb at times the legs do get tangled..
actually a pretty good way to lose some weight.hmm..

this year..xmas..no pressies..except 2 xmas cards from yean and shiwei..
then a abercrombie knitwear that bro got me..
tmr pete will be home..wonder if i have any gifts..hehe..

still in a weird state of mind..

{ freed on 00:50

post exam drinking session

{ freed on 00:45

hongkong

{ freed on 00:33

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!
hope that everyone had a great celebration..

for me..well i did have a great time with you..shop..eat..desserts..friendly chats..
maybe until the nite when i spoilt everything that made u have regrets going out with me..
anyway..i thank you for taking time off to spend christmas with me..
glad u like the gift..

i am having regrets..i am a disappointment..
why? in the 1st place did i go apply for such a dumb thing..why had i been so stubborn..
now i dont want it anymore..for not only had my miracle not happen..nor did i have a magical xmas..santa thinks i have been a naughty girl..
i got no courage at all to face the whole thing myself..
i just want it to be cancelled..i dun wan to go anymore..
i am an itchy backside girl..

you were the reason that i lived..
at the end of the day..its the end..
what i want would not come..
i just have to live and accept reality..the harsh world..
since thats my only option..then i just have to live with that..
for the future is no longer the same anymore..
the support is no longer there..
i can only hate myself for what has happened..
yesh i am a disappointment to you..
i admit..
i am a coward..

so what has many envied..i rather not have it..
for having it..i paid a high price..
the one that i had was priceless..
now i am worthless..
a blank sheet of paper..

there are bound to be regrets in life..but this regret is far too huge..
time may heal all wounds..but how long will it be..
not at this instant..not for the past month..
neither for the next 14 days..
its either this or that..
at the end of it..i should just live with my choice and not listened to others from the start..

i am a mess!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

{ freed on 20:18

gosh i am beginning to dread my life or lifestyle that i have been experiencing over the past month..
feeling super hurtful and painful when i walk arnd town alone and seeing those people arnd me..sighs..

today early morning 9am was dragged out of bed to have breakfast with charles..did some catching up and also we took a wrong turn so we went for a car spin..haha..
then felt sleepy came home to nap before going to find ms eyeball..yirong..met during her break and had a small chat..then with no other activities..bought dinner home and from then..staying home till now..just me in the living room and hear the rain pitter patter..
kinda a pathetic sight..
hopefully mondays cooking session would be better..with the girls..

the past few days..everywhere that i went alone just had the feeling of the time of doubles..
1st was at somerset's coffee club..then to cineleisure..
then going to raffles city and standing at the atrium in blank..
today to old airport rd for breakfast..
somehow i wish that santa would give me a forgetful or memory loss pill..then i would not be living so painfully since santa doesnt give me any happiness anymore..
its bad to be experiencing all these memories..its tired to tear and not to smile given that to frown uses more muscles..

all these happenings are draining me..what i want is so far away from me..since i cant get close to it..maybe its time for me to start to run away from it..since facing it is so difficult and believing in it is so hard..

must i drag myself till the day i fly off..

Friday, December 21, 2007

{ freed on 00:29

life hasnt been any greater..still i thank those who has been taking time off to meet me..in a way..i am spending less time thinking of things though they do say that i am moody and gloomy..
well hopefully i hadnt spoilt their mood..at least some gatherings before i go to usa..

on wed went to hospital see doc for some medication to bring to usa..told him about my super bad cough and he suspect i got asthma or sinus..had to tk chest xray..now on medication and review next week..then suddenly told by nurse that i got a check up with another doc in feb'08..so reschedule to jan 1st week, again will have to ultrasound then..hmm..me a sickly girl ya..
after that met tom to get my super belated bdae pressie and souvenir from vietnam..thank you..had late lunch and kopi till nite..its always good to have some talking sessions and listening sessions..helps to sort certain thinkings..obtaining other views..waiting for my 1st black and white foto...

today pete heads to beijing..so lonely at home..no one to let me entertain..hmm..
met up with yongxin and teresa..supposed to have farhan too but today is haji..so he nt free..then thot ask jasper out..but as usual i let mr ong fang fei ji..hopefully he remembers that he next week suppose meet me for kopi..then we had junjie join us cos after that he go back hall with teresa..hehe..dinner at coffeclub was bad..service terrible and staffs are super absent minded..all orders came to us..all wrong..forget fill our water..everything we ordered was out of stock..gosh...

felt like a mountain tortoise when i went to bugis junction and raffles city..gosh the revamp is superb..totally different..the atrium is gone..all new shops..woohoo...

this few days..my task is to find hotel in usa..hmm..counting down..18 more days..

next week is xmas..there are gatherings and meet ups..but not wad i want..not the type nor the people that i one..i only want santa to grant me that particular one..but somehow things are still the same till today..at least a few hours ago..

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

{ freed on 15:16

i am back..but things still remain the same..
my miracle didnt happen..mayb this year i hafnt been a good girl so santa wouldnt grant me my wish nor give me any presents..
nothing just seem to go right..everything breaking down on me..so am i..
i just want dig a hole and hide inside now..never have to come out and face this world..
counting down the days left..i hate it so much..so much regrets and no courage to move on..
if i promise santa that i will be a good girl next year onwards..will he grant me my wish ..my miracle..my one and only..

i am very tired..so lost..so hopeless..

nothing in life is meaningful already..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my trip to hongkong..ok lah..manage to shop..didnt haf much appetite to eat thou..a not so satisfying trip..took a super rocky boat ride to macau, yet i didnt haf the time to visit ventician..mayb another time bah..the weather was great..cool and breezy..i simply hearts winter..cool dressing..boots..trench coat..hats..scarf..

well got myself a hat and a cap..scarf..boots..long sleeves..super stripy long socks..getting ready for winter..winter sale is great too..mum finally bought her handbag..dad bought some clothes too..

heard bro is freezing in usa..winter..snowing..cool

i think..my grad trip will be to stay in HK for a month... :)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

{ freed on 00:53

another 12hrs i will fly to hongkong and then 3hrs later i will begin my shopping spree...whaha..but must control the amount i eat..otherwise..horrid!!

today is a rather good day..and i hope that things do get better and best when i am back..and that miracles do happen and that better times are ahead..
praying hard that during this period when i am not around..answers will be found and that they are the way that it should be and not otherwise..
i hope that the chocolate cake did do wonders...

thankful that friends stood by me this period of time..
it has been very tough and painful and hurting..
all i ask for is happiness and laughter and love to be with me again..

yay! i received my first xmas card..and its airmail from hongkong from andrew..hehe..interesting..he go holiday then post card from there..but really made me happy..
soon will be time we gather..
2s27 and extinct gang..
also some weird combi but yet we were cool together during JC..teresa, yongxin, farhan and me..been super long since those days that we 4 hang out..but we will meet up when i am back..
yeah!!!

just hope that this coming 4 days will be the last that i will spend alone..
so many things to worry about..a heavy heart..just cant bear to leave here in pain and sadness..

Monday, December 10, 2007

{ freed on 15:41

oh what a rainy day..kinda dampens the mood especially when i had planned to go for a swim and a tan..sobx..
another stay home day..but in a couple of hours more..it will be happy hour..cos SSB is gg to lim jiu...whaha..courtesy of rong's bei gu..balacalva!!! woohoo!!!
1st will be dinner..then drinks..gossips...no more dimsun for me till i reach HK..that day's post exam dimsum buffet is sufficient le..too much fried stuffs..end up with sore throat and a fever..haiz..this semester just isnt my time..

a few more days and i going to my hometown..hongkong..yeah!!! hmm..i have been tasked to buy 2 trench coats for uncle and aunt..then 2 dozens of krispy kreme..1 for uncle and 1 for my nuer..u self collect ah..once i touch down..hehe..planned many things to be bought in HK to be brought to USA..my winter stuffs..then agn..i can buy in USA..haha

i need to plan my gatherings...
i need to exercise and lose weight before i go to usa and grow fatty bom bom..
i need to get xmas pressies...
i need to carry the big luggage to my room..
i want to watch movies...

spending my time online researching of all the factory outlets near my campus..shopping time when i gt to usa..hehe..however..the worrying thing..my housing nt comfirmed yet..will i be homeless? erin if u see this..enlighten me..i pay the 35usd application fee already and fax them my UCB confirmation letter..but they no email me say whether i accepted...

Saturday, December 08, 2007

{ freed on 23:55

finally exams are over..but yet this period of time isnt going to be very happy for me..things are no longer the same as the used to be..this period of time has indeed been very struggling and suffocating..i am at wits end because i no longer know what i can do already..everytime i try i just bang the wall..there is this barrier that i cant break thru nor am i allowed in..what can i do..i so much want it but yet its beyond my reach..

just exactly one more month and i be in the states..all i want now is happy memories..but seems like all i am having is regrets..everything just changed and left me in a week..a moment of folly..all the accumulations that just cant seem to be deleted and forgotten and move on..all i ever want now is a chance to make amendments and remedy everything..but as the days pass..the chances of doing so just gets lesser...

the heart just aches...

what can i do to have back the happiness that i once took for granted..

its just so painful and depressing..