{ Set them free.

Monday, October 29, 2007

{ freed on 02:24

SHIT JUST HAPPENS!!!

sick and tired of doing all the things and at the end of the day,everything is back to square ONE..then what is the purpose of making changes....

i am not a SUPERWOMAN for goodness sake...how much work can i do within a night..spending the whole weekend till the wee hours doing nth but just repeating over and over trying to make the point across yet it just gets rebound and rebound time and time again..so whats the use of me opening my mouth and explaining..since it cant be understooded then i guess there is simply nothing left fo rme to do..but simply to act stupid and blur and not want to do anymore..the simpliest is ignorance is bliss..so u will never have to do much cos u dont know anything mah..that shall be my motto of life from this time onwards till i come across another motto..no more....

so i shall just be that goldfish in the fishbowl that waits to be fed rather then me feeding others when i dont see what reward is there..the other just gets fatter based on my resources..unfair..so i shall be self fish...a fish on my own...never believe in being generous, because someday there will come a point that others are just sponging on you...so why not just start by sponging on others instead...a goldfish originally comes from an aquarium's tank then to a small fish bowl..so ur world is just like that..so if someday the fishbowl topples, the fish will just simply lie on the round struggling till it finally dies..why cant the fish just be thrown into big sea...why capture it...
i choose to be a fish that is kept in the tank but yet at the same time the freedom to explore the vast seas...

dont understand what am i talking..then just dont bother lah...how often can u get 2 minds that think alike..hardly..impossible...extinct...

in order to survive..dont put your trust 100% in others....dont depend on others solely..there will come a time that even if u are at the dead end you also dont know...why???because all along u have been following blindly...no sense of direction...not being street smart at all...
to be street smart...hmm..its an art that is to be mastered...

so many grievances!!! probably..when does somemore ever not hear me grumble..hardly...well simply i am stubborn and i have no liking in heeding others advice..why? got a brain so ownself think lor..listen all..filter some...absorb some...i am strong headed...i dont care...
simply...i feel damn BU SHUANG!!!

there is this threshold level that when u can no longer absorb anymore nonsense...u will just shut off...
well i am now at that point...the point whereby i will just begin to hate life...hate everything...nothing just goes correct...everything is being messed up..i am pissed..i dont understand many things..why does it just happen in that way..what is the difference..how am i different...never could understand why...

i was previously at this stage..now history is repeating..but i am sure that this time around i will be that easily satisfied...it just dont make any sense to me at all..

dont bother to understand me..for none will ever..except those dear to me..my family..cos only them will support and join me...at this moment..u just need people of same mind to support you and when there is this mass thing...the feeling is just so great..the same kind of attitude at looking at matters..

the world is round..the world is always rotating...
dont bother to join me..cos nobody ever can...

when i am out of here..that will be the time...

Saturday, October 20, 2007

{ freed on 21:41

slept thru'out my whole saturday..wented to go out yet not in the mood..felt just so lethargic and irritated about myself...

dinner..we went to taka to eat indo food..haha..had craving of tahu telor..anyway the family topic of discussion is me going to berkeley...yesh..all are hands up for me going....bro even tells me to like after the semester there..write in and appeal for my NUS degree to be transfer to UC..meaning i will grad from UC...backdoor road to graduating from the ivy league...haha..anyway..he says that he is happy and yet envious of me cos i will be going to a UC that is better than his..thou he is smarter..haha...so..look slike i will really simply pack my bags and fly of in december already..term start jan 15..so 30 days before that i will be out of singapore already...hope that by then i will have nothing that will hold me back..thou i somehow wish that there was...hmm..shopping for my winter clothings soon...hehe...

imagine how bored am i..able to blog for like more than once in a day..just i really got no one to talk to..but to talk to myself...for there is no more oh in my life..

now i can only try to think of how i will be in the states..enjoying winter..mingle with angmoh..share a room with someone that i duno...hmmm...taking a flight alone to states..dragging my luggage...backpack..hmmm...

soon the big luggage will be in my room..den as and when i think of something..just dump things in...haha...but still i got to map my modules...haiz...1 and half mths more and so much to do..
perk up lydia!!! for i am lydia the great!!! i can survive with my own will!!!

{ freed on 15:48

why is my saturday such as unfateful day..no activities no nothing at all...
i yearn to go under the sun and play and walk and eat and drink..yet i am rotting under the roof of my room...sleep and eat and sleep..nothing else..
this is really killing me...
i want my life to be full of excitement..i want to play roller coaster...i want to scream and shout and no one to stop me..

at the end of the day...the nite..i am just alone...
the reason is no more there...

maybe shld just go book my tix..my room..pack up and board the plane...

oh...my head is killing me....

{ freed on 01:02

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTG_vmXkIm4

sing-a-long indo karaoke

{ freed on 00:45

today is such a fun day..never knew that filming could be so exciting...
oh..all the memorising of script and playing cheat by taking a peep from whats scribbled on the white board..then laughs when we have to NG take 101...when there is technical error like when the bird didnt appear on the screen..haha(rong error)...den the funny tones again..the tongue tied..thanks to aeron for creating such a happy atmosphere and entertaining us..maverick too..commercial break..karaoke session of indo songs...haha..ltr i shall post for ur to listen..haha..
oh i am just so super duper happy...laughter makes me happy...whole day behaving like a spy arnd rong...seeking out what plans she got...keeping her within my sight...i am glad that she is happy...though i cant celebrate any friends bdae for this period of time..but i really hope that they all haf fun and that they enjoy the company of those with them...and that their wishes will come true...

when all is lost..u will find something new..
without it...ohh...i got new stuffs to be concerned of now...
shall change my focus already...
if it is no longer there..why bother to carry on struggling...

gosh..just when i am planning for my hokkaido trip..and planned to go usa backpack with bro..mum itchy backside go book tix for me..and now..ohhh..i really need it liao...i am (thinking) going to BERKELEY!!!! pete and mum and kor all pushing me to go for it...hmmm...and mum asked pete if he is going to take a plane with me and send me to berkeley..hmm term starts on jan 15 2008...so probably arnd xmas time i will have to leave home already...ohhh...
then does that mean that i will have to depend on a webcam..like today how we hook up with korea to celebrate rong bdae..hmmm...OHHH..kepala sakit (headache)

i am super high...the indo song ringing in my head...later going to stay up and watch rugby for the next two early mornings...dun care even if i become a panda..cos no one will look at me either...what wrong being black and white..at least there are no grey areas...

{ freed on 00:35

surprise for rong...project SHHH??? or project MANIS (sweet)...hehe..luckily she nv suspect anything..oh so kongbu...with her the whole day..then suddenly mr sio wanted to fetch her out for dinner after lect...*oops..i eavesdrop*...then called mr sio and ask him delay his plan abit...thanks ah...

live from korea

side track...2 tourists from irian jaya taking foto with 2 indonesian dancers at NUS

Friday, October 19, 2007

{ freed on 00:47

today is simply and extremely either a HIGH day or a DEPRESSING nite...

*CHOO*...a panda sneezes!!! this was sufficient to make me go bonkers in school lah..and again..the GLK accent..haha...
but when nite fall...thou it didnt rain..but eyes were wet and red like the skies before a thunderstorm...

my life...once a floating care free balloon..then a captivated balloon held in the hands of someone..now...a deflated balloon...

oh i am damn tired and sleepy...this wkend will mean early morning sleeps...non stop typing...

i wan alcohol..get drank and dun nid to be bothered about anything...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

{ freed on 22:09

my gosh..i am super tired..my body going break down any moment..
today had the feeling of skipping school..in the end still drag myself to go...
felt kinda bored and restless in the beginning..but after a certain point of sian-ness..there comes a point of hyper activeness and highness..
how it began?
ohhhh...during bahasa aeron started talking in this funny accent..then me and rong got kinda influenced...me and my "shood be"...then after that when we rehearse out bahasa dialog for filming this friday..ohh..me and rong went super high...
we from indo's singing tune to indian "mumbai" slang...to china chinese...haha..
den we went even went to the window and practice with the view outside...
oh now the translations is still in my mind...
friday we will be tourist-like dressed...haha..filming location in a classroom with a backdrop...haha....hopefully the highness remains till then...

"eh....cepat lihat burung itu..."

no more old loves..just my new loves..caffine from kopi and chocolates...
craving for yummy oishi jap food...super duper chocolatey cake with warm vanilla icecream...alcohol with chips....

oh where oh where is my bayi....

happy...yesterday finally saw erin online..and chatted with her..oh..pray hard that extinct can meet up real soon...since last dec till now...girls..where are ur?? misses!!!

i am super pissed with SIM...oh what a 4th university..my foot...*steps on you*
but their inefficiency was a source of freeing my anger...haha...

i want to fly to a far far away land...where i can live and love peacefully...no tears..no sadness...

Monday, October 15, 2007

{ freed on 21:57

just that little bit more and everything will soon be over and done..

thank you for everything..all the tolerance..all the efforts put in..

sorry is all that i can say...

Saturday, October 13, 2007

{ freed on 23:24

hOhOhO!!!!!!
santa PETE is home!!! (my papa...lao dou)
i am the biggest winner..cos i got the most number of pressie...
3 hat pins....1 tee from ben & jerry....2 coach wristlets..
so happy that pete is finally home..2 wks without him so xing ku lah..so many things need his help then he not around..oh...
best part was...he sms us say he back on sat afternoon..but he blur blur..got the time of days wrong and he arrived on friday without us picking him at airport..so he reached then called mum and she went to pick him...
oh i am so proud of him lah..he know how to use the camera and take pretty pics...so intelligent..though we told him not to anyhow use the delete function..then i just helped him upload all the pics..i also want to go to america lah...
but seems like i will be going to japan instead this year end cos he wants to rest his buttocks...flight too long..haha..so i shall invest in bro who's going this year end...buy all the clearance goods from factory outlet..i abit want to tag along with bro bag pack..but will be staying with his ang moh friends..hmmm..shall kiv 1st..

monday shall be the day i officially cancel my SEP already..cos bloody SIM hafnt replied my email..so instinctively..its a dead end le..

oh...last nite was such a long nite..came back after devt lect and stayed up till 430am doing the draft for devt..then up till now i am still editing lah..slow coach yeah..but the numbers need to be used correctly..then so scared if use wrong ltr kana from mr H....

something to look forward to next wk..filming of our bahasa proj...haha..in NUS...

ohh..life is getting tough with all the projs due soon..and the stress from exams ae approaching too...jiayou!!!!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

{ freed on 01:23

oh this is killing me..simply need to burst!!!

the time of late nites and early mornings have returned..
the month of october..deadlines!!! so gonna be dead!!!

5 more weeks to exams..jialut lah...
oh...where can i find inspiration and motivation to carry on with this hard and long journey..

something happy for the moment...pete remembered to buy me my T-shirt..oh..and he so thoughtful..got me an orange one that is similar to my marche's orange..so touched!!! and he got me hat pins too..oh life without pete is boring..no one to nag at me to wash my cup...hehe..luckily he is safe and healthy..cos his friend fell ill there and medical is damn expensive...
consultation is 400USD..without medicine..have to buy separatedly..10 tablets for 105USD..2 types means 250USD..so total is 650USD and only can pay in cash...so atas!!!

dont care..since pete enjoy himself so much..year end i want go too..factory outlet shopping...

and i am gonna cancel my SEP liao lah..tell them i got no documents for my study at SIM..they say even a receipt will be good..stupid lah..so mafan...

i want to drink beer..eat nachos...

current practice..everyday try spend less than $2..haha...or mayb $3...

i want to go out with my peng yous...
just wished my friend lewis happy birthday and to find out that he is on SEP in montreal lah..so xingfu..but cost of living seems high yet life is slack...hmmm...

oh...OH....oh....no more friday nites out till end of year....

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

{ freed on 00:05

oh i miss pete..
suddenly starting to hum the song "mei you ni de re zi"
when he was at home.nothing spoilt...
now that he is thousands of miles away from home..things begin to spoil..
on sunday..heavy rain..the lightning struck..house black out..nvm..it struck the auto gate's circuit board and the gate had to opened manuelly..anyway it has been repaired today..
luckily i asked pete to book for my car to be repaired too..if not..these few days of heavy rain would have made my car turn into a swimming pool..and can rear fishy in the boot..
ohh..and even the hot water flask spoilt too..gosh..where are u PETE???

well he is just back to new york from vermont..some little small mountain that he and his fellow ah-laus went to stay in a cottage..and was uncontactable for past fe days..anyway..vermont is home of Ben & Jerry's..i wonder if he remember to buy me my tee..hehe...and all the hat pins of places he visited..

oh..how i miss the good old days duirng JC..when it was rugby world cup..kannan and gaowei and yang will come my house on wkends with a pack of hotdogs..and we will munch and watch and roar together..actual purpose was to study for A'levels thou..also at that time charles who plays rugby and kinda influenced me to follow rugby world cup..hehe
anyway on saturday i watched england vs australia..boy betted with me..and i WON!!! but mum says that i was super un-ladylike cos i was screaming and shouting..haha..but before that i watching wrestling lah..hehe..violent rite..but..i like it..haha..how to watch the game silently..so funny...so unenjoyable..
hmm i want go to a pub and watch the finals...hehe..and eat sausages and drink beer..cos its Oktoberfest!!!

happy thing..saturday i went to starbucks and i saw wen..my primary school buddy..so good to see her and know that she is doin well at NTU biz...jiayou girl...

counting down..6 more days and pete's home...monday 630am!!!

OH yes..today we sang indo songs during lesson..like some karaoke session..sing a long with youtube..haha.."singkong dan keju"..."kapan kapan"
okie..time to work out my asset tut..its killing me...

i love...

{ freed on 00:02

can u spot what's the purpose of this foto??

*clue*it just got shorter

Sunday, October 07, 2007

{ freed on 23:37

chill out @ balcony..secretly was to celebrate zhenrong's birthday...
finally all of us had to chance to go drinking booze..
a time to BOND..a better word to describe..if not it was a time to gossip..38..fish for information
our criminal suspects..zhenrong of cos..xuan..fang..
aim was to find out about their love life...hehe..
was a interesting topic to talk about..
word of the nite "50Hz man"
hope that the girls will find their 50Hz man..and zhenrong find that girl of his dreams..

sadly..maggie..jing..rong went back early..

oh yesh..that day was "chuan mei mei" day... inaugural display of fashion by yirong..*BLING*
leggings..off shoulder top..blings..butterfly slipper..pretty girl..should dress up more like this..but dont lu too much ah..if not dangerous..u will have ur private "taxi" home..

for now..having vocab constipation..let the fotos speak...

birthday boy

random shot before devt lect

3 bananas

cheers..yum seng!!!

lookalikes wannabe chipmucks

supper time...the time when real gossips begin..past midnite..

Friday, October 05, 2007

{ freed on 01:28

ohh..my brain is so super dead from bahasa test..can feel that all my brain cells were murdered after the test..susah!!!
anyway..during lunch..girls talk again..but hmm..we were giving consultation to rong..on wad she shld wear for our Chill Out session ...in a few hours time when development lect ends..hehe..so exciting...this makeover..seems to be even more hiong then what we did on her for her 21st...lucu!!

sobx sobx..hafnt gotten my car back from the workshop..got spare parts out of stock..hopefully tmr before i go to sch i will be able to get it back..and driving a non NUS season parking car to NUS is so expensive..like that park in sch half a day cost me $10.74..and i 1 month only pay season for $20 lah..so ridiculous..dont make sense at all..

happy happy!!! pete bought me my wristlet liao..whaha..my 1st pressie from USA...oh i miss pete..no one argue with me at hold..no one for me to scold "dont eat peanuts"...

then just nw went to orchard to mum mum..ding tai feng..nt very nice..but the macaroons for dessert were good...no wonder i am growing fatter with all this unhealthy food..and gorging..how to cut the fats off my body...if not will end up changing wardrobe again..its a costly thing...
just simply no time to exercise..

when can i start planning my holiday for year end..argh...mum says that taiwan n bangkok trip is for next yr..cos bro yr end going usa..then we have to wait for him..then i shall go either usa too..to play..or i shall go japan..OHIO!!

ohh..this few days quite happening..bumping into old frens arnd school..ydae i took bus home with daniel..my JC ogl..we talk all the way...then saw joel at techno..finally..woah think the last time i talk to him physically was like during sec sch days..beside sometimes chatting online...then at nite he sms me and we chatted about old sch days..memories...happy me...today saw shiwei..daniel again..hmm how come i dont bump into ms erin fu...on saturday bumping into jasper is a miracle...
i still got a friend called charles that i am supposed to meet since duno when..and his bdae is this sat lah..hmm...what can i do? nice guys as friends are hard to come by...especially just those few that i have..i miss all of them...the times we talked to early mornings...the going to macs to study..watch movie..life was so much more risky and happening in my "younger" days...now..just a mono life..

where are my khakis?
no more mahjong..cos rexson is in korea...
no nana..so no swimming....
no more boy boy in sch...so no one to study late nites with me...
bro oso no longer stay up late..so i got no supper khaki too...
what a lonely life...

oh bring back my life to me....

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

{ freed on 01:09

OH..saya tidak senang belajar bahasa indonesia sekarang..saya akan gagal ujian lho..saya mau tidur, tapi ada banyak yang tidak belajar...bagaimana?

pete arrive in new york liao.after his 21hr long flight..then going change aeroplane to boston now..so fun lah..he get to play and me suffer here..

this few days has rather been funny...
tonite car talk was super duper funny..lucu lucu..woman stuff..u know..i know..she know..can liao lah..we all know..hehe..

havent been very productive with my work..suddenly all the deadlines seem to be approaching..especially now that its OCTOBER already..so got to really really get my butt and brain working..hmm..someone motivate me...

anyway...some things go right..while other dont..life is really never smooth..
i really hate times like this...just thinking that mayb long ago things shld have just ended instead and dragging them till now..not as if now things are better..at least not now..
silence..
mayb its really time to move on alone..
hard for two to walk together...even talking is difficult...
if its painful..may as well let go now...

anyway..once again..my car flooded again..ydae got rain meh...just nw went to check the boot..and wah piang...can rear fishies lah...roars...tmr gonna send car go for repair le..
come on...let me strike 4D and i shall change car...whaha...

alrites..study bahasa liao...

Monday, October 01, 2007

{ freed on 16:53

this break has been a long and tiring and nothing being accomplished break..
i am drained and zero brainer now..
lack of sleep..slack from doing my work which i had planned for..
staying up for the past few nites..from 12pm to 7am..
finally everything is over..

thank you all for being understanding towards me..me not attending meetings..being lagging..wanted to "eat snake" from school today...but as usual...monitoress CHUA didn't allow me to do so..well at least she entertained me super duperly alot today..

first..HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY

thank nana for her for giving me my famous "too too" foto..and a pencil..
thank rong for the giant plastic bag..next time i can use for my shopping trips..

okie..main laugh of the day..
a girl called rong went to taiwan happily..came back with a silver flower slipper..making all of us happy bcos she finally changed her footwear..more ladylike..she wore it to school for the first time today..within less than an hour..from her house to sgoon mrt to nus..a short walk from the carpark to our indo class..."piak"...her slipper broke..and before that she was laughing at mel's new slipper, warning her that it may break..hmm..pot call kettle black? anyway..rong took out her again famous super sticky plaster..and with the help of aeron..we did CPR on her slipper..and it managed to survive to my car with some limps and she made it home....
luckily i went to school..if not miss such an interesting episode...hehe..
rong..don't buy $3 shoes liao ah..not safe...

today happens to be my nuer's 2nd yr anniversary too..congrats to u n mao...

hmm..also for the past few days..missed out on alot of people's bdae..and i couldnt msg them to wish them too..

happy birthday to jenny..mingyang..teresa...donut...

tonite..pete's going to USA...argh..me oso want to go and have a break..and he is going for 2 wks lah..sobx..now is my turn to have no entertainment at nite..no one for me to nag at..."no eating peanuts"...somemore i always tell him that he will be so bored without me if i go SEP lah..hmm..now i suffer 1st..but never mind..cos he must buy me present...whahahaha...

oh yeah..happy..last wk went gai gai..buy new bag...new pouches...on sunday boy went collect for me my spree stuff..new clothes too...hehe..but no bright colours to be worn for the time being...

i miss holidaying...

taiwan & bangkok VS america..which is more exciting...?